For a long time, I was truly a lost, angry and hurt person. I felt that everyone was out to get me and that everything in the world that was bad was happening to me. I felt this way from ages 23-25 and sometimes through the age of 26. What made me feel this way was losing my daughters father at 22, but no matter what I always had her to look to. If it weren’t for her I would have gone crazier a long time ago. I just feel at different stages in my life I experienced so much that put me in a sinking hole. If you knew me around those stages, you could see the difference in me from then and now. I was hurt, I was lost, and confused. I experienced a great deal of heartbreak and rejection. I lost the love of my life and delivered my first child all in the same year. Even to this day I still battle with this, but I’ve learned to overcome it. I overcame it by slowly picking up the pieces and there is no time limit on that.
Once realizing that life was not going to stop, because I was “down and out,” I began to look for a better job, and start school again. Once I realized making a better life for Nyla and I was important, I began to write down my goals. I wrote down my plan of action, and how long it should take to get to where I wanted to be. Everything doesn’t happen when you want it to but it is always good to have it planned out. Once everything started to slowly unfold, I began to see a change in so many aspects of my life. The pursuit of happiness comes from within and no one else. When you no longer look to people or possessions to make you happy and looking into yourself and your faith it begins to flourish. I am so serious! Of course, I still encounter things that upset me periodically, I would be lying if I said I didn’t, but it isn’t as detrimental as the previous situations were and I look at them as learning lessons.
I am 28, and in a few months, I will be 29. I always said by the time I turned 30, I will have my Masters, my husband, my house and my second or third baby. I thought having these things in a certain timeline would make me happy, and complete. I am knocking on the door of 30, and I only have one child, still saving for my house, and working on my masters, which I will complete by Summer 2019. I followed my goals and accomplished more and more every day, the one thing I have been discouraged about is marriage. I know my worth, and I question why I have not met the man of my dream. The truth is, this does not truly exist. The serious relationships I have encountered were not for me. I ended them which was the right decision, and I should not be upset by this. The unrealistic goal of being married by 30, is not happening, at least for me, it will not. I am happy I ended relationships, that brought me the exact opposite of what I wanted and needed. This time of being single is for me to work on myself, build my brand, and focus on my daughter. I can no longer look at the clock and countdown to January 2020, hoping I’ll be married before then.
Moral of the story is, I no longer look to possessions, or people to make me happy or satisfy me. My happiness comes from within. I’m so blessed, and I continue to try to be a blessing to those around me. I no longer get extremely upset about the little things, I reflect on it and keep it moving. I reflect by figuring out what I can do next time to prevent this from happening, or simply letting whatever “it” is gone. To be happy with yourself you can’t look to others to make you happy, because the moment they don’t follow up, you will no longer be happy.
What I mean by this is, if you were to break up with your mate or lose a friendship tomorrow, would you be okay with this? I mean sure initially you will feel some type of way if you lose someone important, but at the end of the day, you have to watch the company you keep to protect your space and protect your bubble of happiness! My motto is these days is, if it didn’t work out, there is a reason why it didn’t. Some people are seasonal and are in your life for lessons. You won’t learn the lesson until after the fact but it’s rewarding. I’ve learned that everyone is not your friend, everyone is not going to support you, everyone is not going to love you like you do. I also learned that some people will take advantage if you allow them to, and that’s when you need to let them go. Stop trying to please others, especially if they are not trying to do the same.
Worry about yourself.
Don’t look to possessions or people to make you happy, but also be around people that Embark on your happiness, never allow another’s negative energy, or their own unhappiness become yours or rub off on you.
My pursuit of HAPPYNESS is still just that. I am forever digging within myself to make myself happy, doing whatever it takes to pursue my OWN happiness. This journey is truly only the beginning. I plan to travel more, accomplishing my goals more, finishing my masters, and being the best mother I can be to my daughter. Of course, I have my moments and that is normal. For now, I’m content and happy with how everything is happening. It may not seem like a lot to some, but all that matters is I am happy.
