I know I’m not the only one who may come to an end of a relationship/friendship and expect closure. Life happens and friendships and relationships don’t work out. I know that with each situation that ends, there is supposed to be a lesson learned. But, as I have grown older one lesson I have learned is about receiving closure.
Now wait, let me explain what I mean. I’ve learned that expecting closure from individuals may be an unrealistic expectation and it’s up to me to move on. If I get closure great, if not, so be it. That has been one of those HARD LIFE lessons I have learned and it has cost me so much emotionally and mentally.
I have had friendships end so abruptly, especially from those who I had been friends with a long time. Most of those friendships ending hurt me to the core. I tried to seek closure by asking “why did it end?” & I still don’t have the answers why.
I have had relationships that ended and those really hurt too. I mean I’m only human! But seeking closure from individuals who hurt me in the first place is absolutely ridiculous. I realize that now, but my younger self did not. My younger self was so entitled to getting answers. She felt that since she was so loving and caring she was owed an explanation for anything that ever happened. Let me tell you, I have literally blown up phones, did pop-ups, other extremely crazy things, just to seek answers and figure out why they would do the things they did to me. I would lash out. That was my way of seeking closure. My concerns were always “Why did you cheat on me? Why did you lie to me? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why did you stop caring? Why did you give up on us? What did I do wrong?” Those are the type of questions I would ask to seek “closure.” And each time I would seek an answer for these questions, I never got a response. Still, haven’t. AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL. I stayed in toxic situations just to get closure. Which is completely crazy, but I did it. Closure for me was also expecting an apology and moving on. And hell, to be honest, it’s a lot of men who still owe me apologies. But I know now that’s closure I’ll never receive. You know why?
I can’t expect myself from others.
Not getting closure has been the most frustrating in situations that have ended. I question what I did wrong and why did it end. I demanded answers. I was expecting someone who did wrong by me to tell me why they did me wrong! I was expecting someone who hurt me to tell me why the hurt me. I know now more than ever and I’ll keep saying it that receiving closure from others is unrealistic.
With the most recent “relationship” I was involved in, he taught me without even knowing how to accept that. I can’t beg or plead anyone to give me closure. His passive aggressiveness and unwillingness to accept any responsibility was frustrating. I demanded him to try to resolve our issues so that I can have the necessary “closure.” But as I have stated before, that’s unrealistic. If a person already is unwilling to any accept responsibility, what makes me think they will give me the proper closure to move on and live my life? I have learned that closure is accepting what happened and moving on. Not dwelling on it, not demanding answers, but moving on. You will drive yourself crazy seeking answers that will never get a response. Move on and know you’re worth. Closure is about forgiving a person who may not even be sorry. Things that aren’t meant to be will dismantle and that’s okay. Everything happens for a reason and we may not understand those reasons, but we have to accept it and move on.
With time I’ve learned closure comes from within and that I have to be WILLING to accept the outcome, whatever that is. I’m speaking from experience. Not getting closure from failed situations has carried over into other areas of my life, and has caused those situations to fail as well. I no longer want to carry the baggage of pain and sorrow because I didn’t get closure from previous situations.
I’ve asked God to remove those who mean me no well and my life has been so peaceful since. The real closure is letting people go who aren’t meant to be in your life in the first place. That’s the bigger picture. Remember that.